A trip to Launceston

The other day I was sitting in my usual restaurant by the harbourside; I was feeling replete and relaxed after a good meal; although I was everybody’s friend that day I did say to the owner that the place would be better served if it had one way glass in the windows making it possible to look out at the view without having passing people staring in at us with jealous looks on their faces as we dine.  I blame the Trail for this situation.  It encourages people who can't afford to own cars to use their bicycles to needlessly visit; the number of the 'Bikey-Pikies',  as we in our gang call them, that wander gormlessly about the place do lower the tone of the town. 

I fell to thinking about what the Trail could be better used for.  A toll road would be a good use for it, an exclusive expressway that avoids holiday traffic for people to use to get to Rock Minor in a hurry (Rock Minor sounds a more acceptable name than 'Wadebridge' don't you think!).  As a toll road it could even be used to ship in the domestics and workers that the town needs but is ruined by having them living in cottages that could be sold to more deserving, wealthier, people, or worse still, that live in ghastly council estates on the outskirts of town that ruin the ambience of the place.  Surely these people would be happier living in Bodmin, it has got a Lidls and a Discotheque!

I had cause to drive to Launceston that day.  It was an interesting journey, as I drove along the A30 across Bodmin Moor I couldn’t help feeling sad and frustrated at all that good building land laying there uselessly. I think that a good way of regenerating this part of Cornwall would be to develop the Bolventor area in the way that Lands End has been improved.  If people had a good reason to visit the place, a better reason than to look at a boulder strewn scrubland, then they would go there. ( I remember a North Cornwall Councillor some 15 years ago who said on TV that if the Government wanted to bury Nuclear waste on the Moor he wouldn’t mind as the place was fit for little else...that is what is needed here, leaders with vision and understanding!).

Launceston is quaint, it has a unique atmosphere for a Cornish town; it is almost like you are in a different county! It is unassuming and unpretentious, it doesn’t strive to be interesting.  Whether it is because of its character or because all the exciting shops are in its sister towns of Tavistock and Plymouth I am not sure but it retains its sleepiness.

Car parking is a bit of a problem there; trying to get my old jalopy into a space can be a bit awkward.  There aught to be separate car parks for the drivers of cars like mine, free car parks that use tokens or ‘loyalty points’ that we can accumulate when we pay our bills at Rick’s or Jamie’s or at the places we use.  It would be in the best interest of a town to let us park free because, to be honest, we are going to spend more money in the shops than other people will!  Anyway, it was only a quick trip to Launceston...or ‘Langstone’ as we say...because a  delivery from IKEA was due later and I didn’t want to miss it and have to pay exorbitant local prices for a doormat that I had ordered.

Since becoming Cornish recently I have listened to many people talking about their love for the place but I am puzzled because when I am driving across the Dunheved Bridge to go somewhere interesting I have noted, on the other carriageway, people crossing the bridge into the county and I can see them waving their arms about and shouting in their cars, I assume it is shouts of horror and sadness that they are making! If you don’t like the place leave it to the likes of me who will take care of it.

Devonwall Constituency

My first reaction to the news that Bude was to merge with Bideford in the new Devonwall constituency was ‘Hey, what the heck, it’s only Bude, nowhere important.’  Then I saw that it was a huge swathe of North Cornwall that will ‘merge’ with Devon; not just Bude, but Launceston, Camelford, Delabole and as far down as St Teath.  It seems  dreadful to lose so much Cornish Territory but what actually are we losing and how Cornish is what we are giving up to the boundary changes?

 If the Cornish boundary is the Tamar then Bude doesn’t count as the A39 road does not cross the Tamar; it passes to the north of the river’s source before it reaches Bude!  Also the Plymouth suburb of Saltash is in Cornish territory. And how about that chunk of Devon that is on the west side of the Tamar near Bridgerule?  So the Tamar is not that absolute a demarcation line really, is it? (Interestingly, the Launceston RFC Ground at Polson Bridge is in a bend of the Tamar that only defence works keep from becoming an Ox Bow lake on the Devon side of the river; would that the team’s defence was as strong!!!).

If Cornishness is measured by having Truro as a focus then it is to be noted that Launceston has more connection with Plymouth than it has with Truro: medical services, shopping and social activities all take place from the City; likewise Bude with Barnstaple and Bideford. In Bude, if someone is going to go to Truro they say “I am going down to Cornwall”. So, if the argument is that there should be link between all the people within a constituency then placing Bude in with Bideford makes a lot of sense!

So socially these places turn away from Truro and focus on Devon towns and the Tamar is no stay either! So both those arguments are specious.

Are Bude and Launceston part of the infrastructure of Cornwall?  Try and get a bus from either town to Cornwall and then answer that question yourself!

Of the other towns, Camelford has so little in common with the rest of Cornwall (it has a free car park!) (and no main road!) that it should have its own MP.  In this new constituency we give Devon Delabole and they give us Lundy Island...a bleak, terrible, windswept, uncivilised place...

Culturally are Bude and Launceston linked to Cornwall?  A decent pasty is not made east of Auntie Avice’s at St Kew or Barnecutt’s in Bodmin and Ginster’s factory is on the doorstep of Launceston and the Lansonians haven’t organised a torch carrying mob to storm the abomination.  ‘Nuff said I think!

 I’m told that the Bude version of the White Rose is sung as they travel to the Supermarket in Holsworthy and goes: ‘I love the Waitrose it is splendid...”

Over the years of my living and working in Cornwall I have noted that the borders of the ‘true Cornwall’ vary according to where you are. I have heard people in mid Cornwall  say that east of Bodmin is not proper Cornwall, further west people say that east of Truro is ‘Foreign’ and in Sennen they say that Crows an Wra is where England starts.

I can’t help thinking about the Falkland Islands. For years the British Government was uninterested in them until they were taken by force from us; then the Government got all uppity.  If the Argies had phoned up Maggie T and said ‘Please can we have the Islands?’ She would have let them have them without a murmer. (At that time the oil was thought to be around South Georgia...we would have kept that island!) The North Cornwall area is the same; ignored and neglected by the Council, poorly served by public transport and settled over generations by the Devonians so that there is little genetic link between the dwellers of the East with the Cornish of the West, yet we get all tetchy and offended about it being taken from us by ‘force’. Yes, we are all part of some marketing concept that is ‘OggyLand’ but in reality losing North Cornwall to some ‘Upper Tamar’ constituency is only right and fair to the people living in those areas.  Let’s stop pretending  the Tamar is the boundary of modern Cornwall and that it makes a ha’pence of difference whether an MP is representing a purely Cornish constituency or not. Could a cross-border MP represent his Cornish voters as well as George Eustice does. Of course he could!

I Love Oggyland

Let me introduce myself.  I moved here 3 years ago and so am now a true Cornishman  and so thought that it would be interesting if I write a few observations about life here and submit them to the Gazette, hopefully I will do so regularly or ‘directly’ as we Cornish folk say!!

I have spent a lot of time travelling around the Princedom and have visited a lot of teashops in a lot of towns and so I feel that I have a good insight into the way of life here.

I used to work in Public Relations but took early retirement. Having had few happy holidays in Wiltshire I decided to move to the West of England. Sadly, I couldn’t get a place nearer to Bristol so had to make do with Cornwall.  I used to live ‘over the bridge’ (although some people say I should live under it!) but am now amongst you.

I bought a harbourside cottage and am getting used to the place: the town could do with a bit of a tidy up but we will get there eventually! The smell of fish coming from those noisy boats is antisocial but my petition to stop the harbour being spoiled by fisherman is gaining favour with most of the yachties and second home owners who visit their quayside cottages in the summer, so I expect victory soon!  (Can anyone explain why fishermen sometimes drive their boats to sea in the middle of the night waking us residents up?  Can’t they work proper hours like normal people?).  The atrocious behaviour of some of the coarser elements of the townsfolk on a Mayday is dreadful!  Who do these people think they are, singing and dancing all day long and disrupting the place? 

I like the community spirit here; a while ago a group of us got together and formed a club to go to Holsworthy Waitrose to do proper shopping.  The choice in the local shops is dreadful and the people surly.  The first, and only, time I bought some cream from the shop it was off, I took it back and complained that it was too thick and that it had gone all crusty and all they did was laugh at me...but who’s laughing now, eh?  That shop is now a charity shop (actually that is a bit of a nuisance as it was also the post office, but I am on the internet and so luckily I can stay in contact with civilisation.)

Driving around the place is a bit of fun.  I am so glad I have a 4X4 but I am sure that those potholes in the road are no good for my suspension and I do wish farmers were made to clear up the mud they leave on the road as it gets my car dirty. On the subject of farmers, don’t you just hate it when they drive along at a snail’s pace in their tractors holding up traffic.  They behave as if they own the bloody place!

I love the way Cornish people speak; has anyone else noted that the local accent sounds a lot like the London one?  Wherever I go I hear people speaking it, it is like I am in good old London Town!  Some of the Cornish words are quaint; wherever I go and whoever I talk to calls me ‘friend’ or ‘chum’, or as you say in Cornish ‘Tuss’.

Anyway, that is me! I hope to get really close to you all through my words, yes, I really want to get under your skin. 

My first article will be about my visit to Launceston.

Until then Bye-Bye